Uhh, hello? Hello?

Hey, how you doing? Do something new with your hair? It looks awful. Change it back. NOW!

DDT got a new big show, and I wanna review it because that’s my right as an American. And some of the card looked fun.

One small thing before we get started. My editor, Dan Rice, has stopped checking these, trusting me to just post them when I think they’re ready. I’d like to abuse that trust by plugging the new comic strips I’ve been co-creating. Bold Eagle Comics! We’re on Twitter, Instagram and BlueSky. Check us out!

https://twitter.com/BoldEagleComics

https://www.instagram.com/boldeaglecomics

https://bsky.app/profile/boldeaglecomics.bsky.social

Here’s just a taste for ya.

Look at that. Isn’t it funny? You wanna get more of that done you? Follow us then!

After all that shameless behaviour, let’s get into it.

Match 1 Tomomitsu Matsunaga & Yuni vs. Kazuma Sumi & Naomi Yoshimura

Too much of this match is built around the funny noises Matsunaga can make. Not a second of this match goes by without him shutting up, truly the Daffney of DDT. Not to complain about there being too much comedy in my comedy promotion. It’s just that Matsunaga isn’t funny.

His only good bit is when he uses a fan as a human shield to stop Sumi from diving on him.

The best part of the match is the final stretch, which is just Yuni vs. Sumi, where they both get to show that they are two of the best young wrestlers on this roster. Sumi wins with a sick counter into a roll up.

Rating: **

Match 2 Shunma Katsumata, To-y & Yuki Ueno vs. Daichi Satoh, Takeshi Masada & Yuya Koroku

Now matches built around all the funny noises To-y can make? That’s my shit.

To-y is by far the best part of this match and what it’s really built around. I can’t tell you what makes To-y funny. I can’t explain any of his bits to you, but he just has a funny demeanour.

Everyone else played their role well, even that disgusting, filthy, dirty slut Yuya Koroku. Masada deserves individual praise, as he’s the one who works best with To-y, returning to their finger-based feud. The only downside is that To-y doesn’t enter the To-y Zone.

BunBun also has hair now, and it is breathtaking.

Rating: ** ¾

Match 3 Soma Takao vs. Kazuki Hirata 

As part of Takao’s Bye-Bye Tour, after the match the plots along for a minute. Hirata pulls out and reads a note where he says he’s going to miss Takao and asks to dance with him one last time. With Takao very reluctantly agreeing, Hirata breaks up the dance by attacking Takao, and they wrestle as the music plays before Takao picks up the win. They embrace afterwards.

The match itself is nothing special. Hirata has had this sort of match before to better results, but it was all very sweet.

Rating: ** ½ 

Match 4 Junta Miyawaki & Shinya Aoki vs. Masami Inahata & Yuki Ishida vs. Chris Brookes & Hinata Kasai

Miyawaki finally posed with some kids who seemed excited to meet him, so we’re making improvements. Though, amusingly, Brookes went over to pose with those same kids, and they seemed way more excited for him. Baby steps. 

The match has some fun ideas, with each team having a dad (Aoki, Brooks and Ishida) and each team having a child (Miyawaki, Kasai and Inahata). They probably could have done more with this, but it’s a fun concept.

There were some good elastic band shenanigans, but this was all pretty meh. Aoki is still really good in 2v2 tag matches, but in these big multi man affairs where he has to quickly slide in, hit his move, bump, roll out of the ring so the next thing can happen, he struggles. His forearms when he has to rush look quite bad. Though there is some enjoyment in a man who recently had his skull caved in by Mikuru Asakura hitting the most awkward suicide dive you’ve ever seen.

In the end, Aoki’s son beats Brooks’ son as Miyawaki pins Kasai. The final sequence that’s just them is the best part of the match.

Rating: ** ¼ 

Masada and Koroku come out and ask for a title shot which they are granted. I expect and hope that match will be a lot better

Aoki also called Koroku fat a lot. 🙁 only im allowed to comment on Koroku’s body! 

That slut ❤️

Match 5 Danshoku Dino & HARASHIMA vs. Jun Akiyama & Yuji Nagata

If you were to make a tag team that defines the essence of DDT, it would have to be Harashima and Danshoku Dieno. Two of the three most important men in the company’s history, alongside Sanshiro Takagi, who showcase that DDT has the best comedic wrestling in the business, but also some of the best ‘serious’ wrestling in the business. And when these two styles merge, you get magic. You get DDT.

That’s why, when they enter this match, Dieno holding the Ironman belt and kissing away with the crowd, while Harashima poses on the turnbuckle, ready to face two of the biggest stars of 2000s Japanese wrestling, a time when DDT was dwarfed in popularity by NOAH and New Japan, it feels poetic. It’s a monument to the success story that is DDT. Even though Akiyama has been on the roster for six years now, it still feels special.

So when Harashima tells Dieno to get on the turnbuckle and pull his pants down so Harashima can shove Nagata’s face into his arse, in a strange way, it’s emotional.

This ass shoving only powers up Nagata because he’s a dirty old bastard, leading to him and Akiyama beating up Dieno two on one. This results in various beautiful Hulk-up attempts by Dieno, each one accompanied by the removal of a thong. The match is stopped to avoid the show getting indicted, giving Akiyama the win and the Ironman belt.

The ‘action’ in this match is good but nothing to write home about. Seeing Nagata and Harashima face off was really fun. But this match got to me. And that’s what matters.

Rating: ****

Post match, Akiyama makes a speech, but it’s interrupted as Nagata rolls him up, stealing the Ironman belt. The crowd loved this, and so did I.

Match 6 KANON, Viento Levante & Yukio Naya vs Daisuke Sasaki, Hideki Okatani & Ilusion

Five really good performances, and Daisuke Sasaki was also there. This was a good match, but Sasaki is a stone around its neck, dragging it down like he normally is.

The two best performances are from Illusion and Levante, who throughout the match tell the story of Levante’s damaged knee being constantly targeted. None of the action in this match is necessarily bad; it’s just a bit bland. You’ve seen this exact match a thousand times before. You get your standard Damnation antics before a brilliant finale sequence between Illusion and Levante.

Illusion picked up the win, giving us new six-man champs. He also picked up the Right to Challenge Anytime, Anywhere, Anytime, Anywhere.

The image of Illusion with nine championship belts wrapped around him is hilarious. Post match, NWA Jr. challenges them to a match.

Rating: ***

Match 7 Ryusuke Taguchi vs. Antonio Honda

A paternal theme to this match, with Honda befriending Taguchi’s son over their shared interest in being musicians. Honda asked Son-guchi to chop his father, but he couldn’t do it! Then Taguchi flips it and asks his own son to chop Honda, but he just can’t do it!

After this, the two men returned to the ring and put on an absolute clinic. This is a match just made for me. Silky smooth technical wrestling combined with the charisma of the two men produced a heavenly match.

I always push back against the idea that, for a comedy wrestler to be good, they have to be able to actually ‘wrestle’, whatever that means. But when Honda needs to turn it out, he can turn it on! And it never loses the comedy. Honda still trips over and tells the story of Gon the Fox.

Everything in this match just worked, from the smooth transitions, both men’s punches, to Honda’s dramatic kick out at one. All leading to a heartbreaking finale where Honda can’t get to the ropes and must tap out to Taguchi’s ankle lock.

This was liquid wrestling.

A match of the year contender.

Antonio Honda is the best wrestler in the world.

Rating: **** ¼ 

Match 8 MAO vs. Fuminori Abe

Cute.

That’s the word for this match. Cute.

It’s two cute boys doing cute wrestling riffs. Let’s think of all the silly little things we can do and do them.

Does it build to anything? No. Does it need to build to anything? Maybe. Do I want 20 minutes of these two riffing? Not really. But some of those riffs were cute.

Not the best match ever, not the worst. Somewhere in between.

Rating: ** ½ 

Post match, Sanshiro Takagi comes out wanting to cash in his Right to Challenge Anytime, Anywhere like he did at Peter Pan, but he is interrupted by Illusion, who cashes in his Right to Challenge Anytime, Anywhere, Anytime, Anywhere, meaning…

Surprise Bonus Match 9: Sanshiro Takagi vs. Illusion

They hit the Stunners on each other at the same time, then Illusion gets the roll-up win.

Rating: *****

Leading us straight into…

Surprise Bonus Match 10: Mao vs. Illusion

Illusion attempted to add a 10th belt to his collection, attempting to win the KO-D title through the powers of low blows, roll-ups and MJ Paul. Some really fun and believable near falls in this. Mao botches a few things, but it’s not a big deal. With help from his stablemates, Mao is able to retain his belt.

Rating: ***

Now all the Right to Challenges are gone. Mao announces his next opponent will be Chris Brookes. A match I will probably watch, but I won’t be happy about it.

Full Show Thoughts

Good show! Two excellent matches you must go out of your way to see, in Dieno and Harashima vs. Akiyama and Nagata, and Honda vs. Taguchi. The rest of the show was a breezy watch, and all the post main event shenanigans were fun. Nothing horrible that you should avoid. I’d recommend watching this show.

DDT keeps on trucking on as the best promotion in the world, even if its main event scene continues to not thrill me.