1979: Funky II
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Part of Violent People’s FUNKIN’ FALL series: View the full index.
Now, you’re probably wondering how a piece like this even comes together, especially considering that Terry Funk has literally 0 to do with the Rocky franchise. Well, I stumbled upon this segment from a 1979 episode of The Mike Douglas Show featuring both Terry Funk and Sylvester Stallone on the couch at the same time. By 1979, The Mike Douglas Show had already moved from its longtime home in Philadelphia to sunny Los Angeles, so Stallone lost the Philly aura. With the natural charm of the Funkster, we could have assumed that Terry could have had ol’ Stallone just sign the rights away to Rocky II, despite the film already being completed by the time this interview aired. Imagine!
Let’s also, just for the sake of argument, forget that Funk was a part of Stallone’s directorial debut, Paradise Alley, from 1978, and the fact that Funk would go on to do stunt work for Rocky III as well as recommend Hogan for his part in Rocky III, because this is just more fun.
The segment on the couch is sadly pretty much a nothingburger, despite Funk cutting a promo on Stallone calling him an egg-sucking dog, which, by all accounts, I am positive is a compliment in Philly. The whole point of this piece is to decide if Terry Funk could have both starred in and directed one of the most anticipated sequels of the whole decade, Rocky II, and I am willing to do the science to determine if it would have worked.
Writing
While I think this area would have been the hardest for Funk to adapt to, I think he would have provided just as strong a script as Stallone did for the original Rocky, because let’s be honest, that’s not the best-written script ever (though it is quite good). By 1979, Funk had already wrestled everywhere under the sun, so writing himself here would have given him decades of experience to draw upon for the hero of the film, Funky.
Directing
Here we go, buddy. I think Terry Funk would have excelled as a director, especially at anything in the realm of action and drama. He’s the best American pro wrestler of all time. That’s all the job is! While I think the biggest problem here would be finding actors or professional wrestlers as good as him to portray various characters in the film, once again, his decades of experience in the ring would be essential here on his way to an Oscar.
Acting
The easiest, no-brainer of all time. Of course Funk would have been excellent in his starring role as Funky. Fact of the matter is, Terry Funk was a better actor than Stallone, and it literally wasn’t close. Yeah, I think Terry Funk could have thrown a few good punches and run up some steps, but could Stallone have been a top guy in All Japan and put on all-time classics with the likes of Abdullah the Butcher, Bruiser Brody, Jumbo Tsuruta, and more? Absolutely not! They would have destroyed him!
Conclusion
In conclusion, Funk is three for three here and could not only have created Rocky II, but he would have made something better. Imagine a world where one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time wins Oscars for Rocky II. Better yet, imagine a world where one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time wipes Rocky II from existence to create his own magnum opus and the most celebrated sports drama of the 1970s, Funky.
Thanks for reading, and throw a couple of punches today for the Funkster.
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